Story Prompts for Writers’ Group 500 Words or Less: First Day of Vacation

Words: interloper, gnome, bucolic, karaoke, Albanian mud weasels, shrunken head.

First Day of Vacation ~ S.K. Nicholls

After ten hours on the train with my darling wife riding across the bucolic German countryside, I was relieved to know there was a pub down the stairs from our hostel. Twelve rounds of the best ale to be found and they started up with the karaoke, which pounded on my head in German and forced me into a foul mood. I followed the ale with eight shots of ice cold Jägermeister, trying to drown out the noise.

My head and my bladder were about to explode.  I was looking for the bathroom when I stumbled through doors to find myself in a lovely patio garden. It was dark out there, so I whipped old Joe out and started pissing, when all of a sudden I heard a voice, “Stop whizzing on my head, you Yank!”

“Who’s that talking?”

“It’s me, down here by your knees, taking a golden shower!”

I looked down to see a poor little garden gnome dripping in urine. “You talkin to me?”

“Of course, I’m talking to you, nobody out here but you in that Yankees jacket, and those pesky Albanian mud weasels. And both so disrespectful.”

I slid down beside the little fellow, not certain that I could stand any longer. “I wa…I wa…I wasn’t expecting anyone to notice,” I said, “Didn’t think anyone el..else was out here and I’m terribly ssss…sorry about your drenching. I didn’t know, uh, I didn’t know gnomes could talk.”

“No worries, happens all the time. You should be more concerned about those weasels than me.”

“Well, I…I know weasels can’t talk.”

“Who says we can’t talk, you foreign interloper?” asked the first weasel.

“Hand over your wallet!” demanded the second.

“Do it now or we’ll gnaw your eyes out!” said the third.

“I KNOW weasels can’t talk!” I looked at the gnome and him at me.

“You can’t even stand,” said the gnome. “Better hand it over.”

I passed my wallet to the closest weasel and they scampered away, my wallet clenched in sharp teeth.”

Suddenly my wife appeared out of nowhere, looking like she had a shrunken head. “What the hell happened to you?”

Sitting beside the soaked garden gnome, who of course was now silent, I told her my story.

“I swear that’s how I lo..lo..lost my wallet, honey!”

378 words

18 thoughts on “Story Prompts for Writers’ Group 500 Words or Less: First Day of Vacation

    • He wasn’t too conscious. I had eight shots of Crown followed by eight shorts of Jäger once and ended up being the poster child for the parrothead party, so I kinda gotta idea what that feels like.

        • Jimmy Buffett tribute. Have it every year at the Cove. There’s a large Jimmy Buffett following and they call themselves parrotheads. They’re all over the country.They have blown out flip flop contests, body painting, golf cart decorating contests, margarita making contests, Jell-O shots, steel drums music, dancing and other such partying going on…and if you pass out, they will draw on your body with magic markers…palm trees on your face, cockroaches on your face, sharks across your abdomen, Randy came here twice on your thigh…things like that.

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