Naked Alliances: Book One: The Naked Eye Series, Cover Idea and New Blurb

green naked Alliances 002

A potential case offered by the former mayor of Orlando could give Richard Noggin P.I. the edge he needs to propel his business into the big leagues. Before he can get to his meeting for his new assignment, a cold case murder, he gets sucked into a crisis situation involving two women from Orange Blossom Trail in the red light district. His calm existence as a private investigator solving marital conflicts and fraud quickly unravels when a transsexual entertainer dumps an abused Asian girl on him. 

I sent off my manuscript to a couple of beta readers today. (Thank you so very much for your willingness to take on this task!!!) Now I am bored…waiting, and was playing around with cover image ideas and blurbs. This, of course, is not a professional book cover image but it works for a manuscript .mobi file pretty good.

I have Book Two in my head, so I have started roughing out a vague outline. I have always been a linear writer, but crime fiction does not lend itself well to that method. So I am experimenting. Some of what I write in Book Two will depend on characters from Book One, so I am anxious to see how the beta reading goes before I get too deep.

What do you think of the blurb?

 

If you are not having fun, you are doing something wrong!

Keep writing!

UPDATE!!!

Thank you to all the commentators. I believe we have a good gritty blurb that speaks more to the mood and genre of the book. Special thanks to Misha Burnett, who got me thinking in a different direction. That’s what I love about “social” media. People can pool ideas and creativity abounds.

“Richard Noggin, a Florida private investigator, figured that taking on a maleficence case for the former mayor of Orange County would be good for his career. Instead he finds himself in a shadowy world of sex, secrets, slaves…and murder. Drafted to solve a cold case, murder leads to murder. From Little Saigon to Leisure Lagoon, Richard works to protect a young girl and bring down a sinister crime boss.”

36 thoughts on “Naked Alliances: Book One: The Naked Eye Series, Cover Idea and New Blurb

    • I got that also. There is no pizzazz or hint of the fast action and danger that follows. The cold case is more like a subplot. The real action involves the crime organization.and I am not certain how to jazz it up…words like potential and calm and unravel aren’t really doing the story justice.

      • I’d go with a more active voice and I’d lead with Richard. “Florida detective Richard Noggin figured that investigating a cold case for the former mayor of Orlando would be good for his career. Instead he finds himself in a shadow world of sex, politics, secrets… and murder.”

        That’s a bit Mickey Spillane, but you get the idea.

          • And I think that’s important. Sadly a lot of readers are going to assume that a transsexual character and a setting of a sex club mean that you’re going to be playing it for laughs. You can mention those things in the blurb, but I think you should stress that this is a serious mystery.

            • That’s one reason I thought about avoiding the mention at all. I like your lead in. I like that I might could use this and follow with a couple of short concise sentences that offer a bit more of the story. I’m going to keep playing with this. Thanks for your input.

                • What do you think about this. I tweaked it a bit because it’s not really a political thriller. It involves human trafficking (but I hate that phrase and it’s too long). Aside from the cold case (the former mayor’s wife) there is another fresh murder that takes place. Did I kill the mood?

                  “Richard Noggin, a Florida private investigator, figured that taking on a maleficence case for the former mayor of Orlando would be good for his career. Instead he finds himself in a shadowy world of sex, secrets, slaves…and murder. Drafted to solve a cold case, murder leads to murder as his cold case turns hot.”

  1. I think the blurb sounds great… you got me hooked! I think its just the last line that needs some work… not that I’m an expert! Just my opinion, since you asked lol!

  2. I have to agree with Misha. It’s a great overview, but nothing really grabs me. Especially ‘potential case’ because it doesn’t sound definite enough. In fact, it already tells me that the case won’t be the main focus of the story. You mention it isn’t the main plot, so maybe it shouldn’t be mentioned beyond that opening sentence. Have you considered writing the blurb with a focus on Richard’s life and how the events will effect him?

    • Only vaguely…in that things were calm and now they aren’t.

      Here’s another take…I think Tess is right. I need shorter sentences.

      I came up with this to try to pump some life into it. My point here is that it has colorful characters, but it is NOT a comedy caper. Is this any better?

      The former mayor of Orlando could give Richard Noggin P.I. the edge he needs for his business to enter the big leagues. Before he can get to his meeting for his new assignment, he gets sucked into a crisis situation involving two women from Orange Blossom Trail in the red light district. A transsexual entertainer dumps an abused Asian girl on him, setting off a series of events that propel them all into action and danger as he attempts to solve a brutal murder and bring down a powerful and sinister crime boss.

    • Thanks Craig. I like the idea about leaving out the descriptors of the transsexual and the Asian girl. They are characters, but not the focus of the story. It did seem like it was coming off as a proposed comedy caper…which I didn’t want for the story. Taking a different direction, and focusing on what Richard is striving to achieve helped me let go of that.

    • Yay! You are officially the second person who has bought the paperback online 🙂 I sell a few at signings and in small independent bookstores, but hardly ever online.

      And Yay! I have come up with a good blurb that doesn’t mention Asian girl (or transsexual) thanks to Misha Burnett.

  3. If the buyer reaches the end of the blurb, it will certainly catch interest. If it could be a little more engaging on the way there, or bring out the big guns sooner, that might be worth considering. Good luck with your book.

    • I just updated the blog post to one Misha Burnett helped me develop. I really don’t want the transsexual and the Asian girl to be the selling item. Also, I didn’t want it to come across as another crazy Florida comedy caper.

      • That looks more concise. Yes, it doesn’t have to be those elements that sell the book, there just need to be some selling points in the blurb and engagement throughout to get the most out of it. 🙂

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