Pardon Me While I Pull the Bearded Lady From the BR Stall

Today I’m writing from Starbucks because it was within walking distance from my house and 1) needed to get out, and 2) I need to get more comfortable with my laptop.

My query letter has been rewritten setting up the context of the book first rather than jumping straight into my book pitch. That’s supposed to ground the reader in the familiar. How the book is similar and different from other works, my target audience, and where it fits on the shelf.

Then I ease into the story description, not referring to Cara as a girl, but a young woman. We don’t want it to shock anybody by dragging children off to a nudist resort. Heaven forbid a child be put in a position to see a naked person. Please pull the drapes Michelangelo.

There is no mention of the word transgender in the letter. In the context paragraph, Brandi is described as inspired by Chablis from Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil by John Berendt, and how I wanted to create a female, brassy, badass character who could hold her own and prove herself a worthy heroine.

I’m really disturbed by the whole transphobia movement. North Carolina and Tennessee have new bathrooms laws requiring people to toilet in the bathroom of the sex that is on their birth certificate. I don’t give two shits who is in the room when I pee. When I have to go, I will go, even if it’s on the side of the road. I’ve peed in a ten story parking garage before. I’ve peed into a McDonald’s cup while stranded on an interstate between exits and behind a bad accident in broad daylight. My three year old son whipped it out and peed on a tree in the mall once. Not saying that was cool, but I guess if you have to go, you have to go. And many, many times in my life I have waltzed right into the men’s restroom to relieve myself when the lady’s was occupied.

Amazingly, there is NOT ONE documented case of a transgendered person assaulting anyone in a public bathroom…but people just love to make non-issues issues. Thousands of incidents of transgendered people being assaulted by cis-gendered. All the people insisting they don’t want their daughters in the BR with transgendered people are going to feel funny when out walk the female to male trans with their full beards. But hey, they were female on their birth certificate. People need to get out of the pants of other people. Surely we have bigger fish to fry.

We have a HUGE LGBT community here in Orlando and I’m anticipating some major confusion if these crazy bathroom laws are passed here. I would much rather my young granddaughters share a restroom with my girlfriends who used to be guys, than my guy friends who used to be girls. Not that I think ANY of my transgendered friends might assault anybody, but I do believe my granddaughters would be more comfortable with people in their bathroom that they can clearly visually identify with. It’s not like these people are dropping their panties at the door. I’m pretty sure they do their business in the stall. And my grandson might question why there’s a lady attempting to straddle a urinal in his bathroom. I seriously believe it would be better to just have coed potties and be done with it so all the appropriate questions about people’s PRIVATES can get answered. (Okay, not seriously.)

I mean, do these phobics really understand the consequences of what they are demanding? Their sons will be toileting with women who look like women. Their daughters will be toileting with men who look like men. WTF??? People need to educate themselves about the transition process before passing laws and freaking out.

I guess all the hype has the potential of aiding me with my series. I can see some amusing situations for Brandi developing.

Off Topic: Every time I read about the possibly of jailing women and doctors for abortions (not the male sperm donors, of course), I realize that we are moving closer to Sharia Law without the help of any Islamic religion. And let’s oppose both birth control and abortion so women remain as oppressed as possible. Okay, that’s off subject, but I just felt a need to share.

The RS helped me make a nice spread sheet to keep up with my query letters, names, emails, dates, responses. Trying to stay organized for the long haul. Still feeling twinges of ambivalence about the whole process.

I really have to go pee, so I’m going to leave this Comedy Central item here to entertain you while I go check Birth Certificates at the bathroom door.

24 thoughts on “Pardon Me While I Pull the Bearded Lady From the BR Stall

    • Lawd! Lawd! People need to get real. There are so many things going on in this world to be concerned about…poisoning our water, our food, killing off whales with plastics, creating power vacuums in places we had no business being in to start with…I could go on and on. Now we’re going to make a major issue about toilet governance.

    • In North Carolina and Tennessee they just passed a law that you can only enter the bathroom of the gender that is on your birth certificate. It doesn’t matter if you identify with or dress as a different gender. People are freaking out about their daughters and granddaughters possibly sharing facilities with people who used to have a penis or might still have a penis. Not that anything has happened, but you know, it’s a possibility. Heaven help us when women who used to be men have to squat over the urinals to pee in the boy’s room.

  1. Hey Girl: You’re just letting it all hang out, there! Good for you. Sorry I couldn’t see the video. Not available to Canadians.
    It sounds like you’re on a good path with your query letter.
    All my best,

    Cynthia.

  2. Sorry, your post got lost in my emails, so I’m only just responding– but I’m right with you with the rant, both on the transphobia and on reproduction rights and issues.

  3. Haha! Seriously, that’s a law they’re trying to pass? So we will probably end up with monitors on the door to check our birth certificates when we go pee? Or is it one of those laws no one will ever enforce? In which case why pass it? What a crazy world. We’re supposed to be moving towards enlightenment, but this kind of thing just encourages intolerance.

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